


love in the time of cellular devices

by tinyttree



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, Freeform-ish, Getting Together, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24423568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyttree/pseuds/tinyttree
Summary: All it took was a phone number to bridge the gap between Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi.alternatively,A series of snapshots detailing the unconventional relationship of two emotionally illiterate idiots.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 164





	love in the time of cellular devices

**Author's Note:**

> ~ = short time skip  
> // = long time skip  
> [] = flashback
> 
> bon appetit

_winter_

The dry, cold December air blew roughly outside unbeknownst to the boys in the gymnasium who found themselves in quite a different environment. Hot, muggy air surrounded them as they heaved out breaths and wiped sweat from their brows, wishing the final practice match of the day would be over already. Through the small windows on the gym doors, black darkness signaled the end of today’s grueling hours of training. Atsumu hid his jealousy of the sun’s early retirement. As the coach blew his whistle to signal the next serve, Atsumu instinctively dropped into an athletic stance despite the tiredness settling into his legs and set his eyes on the minute movements of the server. By the turn of his toes and angle of his shoulders, he could tell the serve would hit the left line and announced as such to his team while shifting his own position. 

Receive, set, spike, score.

This back-and-forth continued for another twenty minutes before the match was finished. The coach huddled the players together and praised their hard work before instructing them to bathe and eat dinner. Sakusa Kiyoomi left the gym first so he could wash off before anyone else used the bath and tainted its clean surfaces. Atsumu watched his figure retreat behind the door from where he was sitting on the court. The other boys respected Sakusa’s space and sat around socializing for a while longer than usual to give him time to finish his bath. Last year, Atsumu had jokingly announced that he was going to barge in on Sakusa and keep him company but he was met with many disapproving stares. At the time, Atsumu thought his perceived rudeness had jeopardized his chances of an invitation next year and he spent the rest of the training camp inhibited by anxiety. This year he knew the boundaries of acceptable jabs and kept his mouth shut in relation to anything involving Sakusa and the showers. 

Once the coach gently reminded them to get ready for dinner, everyone else stood up and migrated towards the bath. In the steaming water, Atsumu submerged himself just past his mouth and allowed his mind to shut off for the first time today. Around him, laughter and lazy discussions about today’s training filled the room, and Atsumu couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be in here alone with nothing but the sound of moving water to keep him company. He spent his whole life accompanied by someone, which meant that he never truly got to experience pure solitude (save for the days he and Osamu fought and he angrily locked his twin out of their shared room.) Nonetheless, in those moments, Osamu was such a driving figure in his furious actions that he still felt his presence around him. Atsumu couldn’t fathom detaching himself from social contact and would much rather be packed into a train car like sardines than sit in a bath alone with his thoughts. If he ever did find himself alone, such as when he traveled to Tokyo for this training camp, he filled his time texting his brother about meaningless things.

[

_You: there’s a screaming child on this train [Read 8:06 a.m.]_

_‘Samu: lol_

_You: I still have two hours of traveling, im bored [Read 9:22 a.m.]_

_‘Samu: lol_

_You: hey [Read 9:54 a.m.]_

_You: hey [Read 9:56 a.m.]_

_You: hellllllooo [Read 10:09 a.m.]_

_‘Samu: what_

_You: nothing, im just bored [Read 10:20 a.m.]_

_]_

Atsumu took his time in the bath and was one of the last to leave. Upon entering the dining area, his eyes immediately drifted to the two figures wearing bright yellow and green jackets. Sakusa had his mask resting under his chin as he slowly chewed his food while his teammate Motoya sat next to him and energetically chatted nonsense at him. Sakusa’s blank expression showed no indication of appreciation for or detestation of Motoya’s blabbing, but his tiny sideways glances and nods informed Atsumu that he was somewhat paying attention to his teammate’s words. 

When they first met last year, Atsumu didn’t know what to make of Sakusa. He was usually good at reading people and their body language and consciously chose to be an ass nonetheless and push people’s buttons. However, one very special Sakusa Kiyoomi presented his people reading skills with a challenge. The guy was like a book written in a foreign language of which Atsumu could only understand a few words; he understood some of the individual parts but together it was all gibberish. He hated the idea of germs yet he chose to play a sport where a sizable number of sweaty men touched the same ball instead of a more individual sport played in a controlled environment, like golf. His dialogue rarely left the realm of volleyball plays or a simple yes/no/maybe and he kept a healthy distance from everyone. Yet, he seemed to have the inside scoop on each player and could maintain a conversation with nothing but nods. By all means, it made no sense. 

And thus, Atsumu had become enamored by him and did everything in his power to piss him off. Some of his favorite tactical moves included standing uncomfortably close to him while talking and “accidentally” picking up his water bottle instead of his own. Atsumu’s usual level of assholery was just to keep himself entertained in the dull moments of his life, but messing with Sakusa and breaking his stoic exterior gave him an adrenaline rush like no other. Every plan was accompanied by a light feeling in his chest and left him in a cheery mood for an hour or two after (his usual antics played against his teammates provided him with mere fleeting satisfaction.) He even texted his brother about his newfound favorite pastime of messing with Sakusa. Osamu didn’t respond—typical. 

After his first training camp in Tokyo, somewhere between the train ride back to Hyogo and the beginning of his second year of high school, he had realized this feeling wasn’t exclusive to Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

Atsumu had a confession. During his first year of high school, he developed a crush on one of his teammates. He had done everything in his power to get closer to this individual, even dropping some of the more annoying aspects of his personality in his presence. Any crumb of attention Atsumu received from him sparked that light feeling and put him in a jovial mood. Following the announcement of his invitation to the All-Japan Youth training, filled with pride and courage, he had tried to act on his crush in the most subtle way possible. Osamu had to cook him an empathetic midnight snack to bounce Atsumu back from his post-rejection depression. 

[

_“Hey, Kita-san, do you have a crush on anyone?”_

_“No. Do you?”_

_“...No.”_

_]_

Perhaps Atsumu had taken Kita’s caring actions to heart a little too much. He was rarely recognized as an individual person, so to be the only one to whom Kita handed bandages or to be the only one who received an ice pack from Kita during summer training fueled his liking so much more. His now-captain still remains someone whom Atsumu respects and cherishes deeply, and he dreads the day he will have to attend Kita’s graduation and emotionally spill out his thanks for helping him achieve so much in his high school years. 

That being said, it would seem logical that Atsumu would be able to recognize when he had a crush. But logic would also say that Atsumu shouldn’t have a crush on Sakusa Kiyoomi. They haven’t really talked outside of conversations about volleyball and prickly taunts when Atsumu poked fun at him. Nevertheless, Atsumu still snuck glances at him during meals and used his limited brain power to imagine an alternate reality where he could have a normal conversation with Sakusa like Motoya could. 

Intense training made the days go by quickly. Soon enough, the All-Japan Youth training camp ended and everyone was packing up for their journeys home. In the midst of the commotion, someone had brought up exchanging phone numbers and making a group chat, and Atsumu’s heart rate picked up at the thought of getting Sakusa’s phone number. They had done the same thing last year, but Sakusa left early after catching a cold from another attendee who incorrectly assumed he was no longer contagious. Most of the kids in attendance that year also got cold symptoms after they returned home, including Atsumu. The invitation this year clearly outlined that players shouldn’t attend if they are ill. Atsumu suspected that that line comforted Sakusa enough for him to return. 

He gladly let his phone get passed around and filled with new contacts, already planning to boast about his popularity to Osamu later. Sakusa was standing by the doorway waiting for Motoya to finish collecting numbers when Atsumu approached him. 

“This was fun. Glad ya haven’t caught a cold so far this year.” Atsumu smiled. Sakusa provided no response to Atsumu’s light joke and instead offered an expressionless stare and soft hum before looking away towards Motoya again. Despite speaking to him from a comfortable distance, Sakusa still avoided engaging in conversation with Atsumu. He bit his lip awkwardly before holding his phone out. 

“Everyone else exchanged numbers. Do you wanna put yours in?”

There was a moment of hesitation. “Phones are a breeding ground for germs.” 

Atsumu’s face grew hot at yet another rejection, but then Sakusa reached into his pocket to pull out his own phone. 

“Just tell me your number and I’ll text you.”

Atsumu stuttered out his number just in time for Motoya to finish up and begin ushering Sakusa out of the doorway, offering Atsumu an enthusiastic wave and a goodbye. 

The train ride home felt longer than usual and involved Atsumu checking his phone notifications an unhealthy amount of times. He tried to fill the hours by listening to his sad playlist and forlornly staring out the window at the passing power lines. At some point, he had drifted off to sleep and woke up to a dark sky and thirty minutes left to his destination. Intending to tell Osamu about his ETA, Atsumu flipped his phone over and saw a few message notifications. The bulk of them were Osamu asking how much time he had left on the train, but there was one at the bottom that snapped Atsumu out of his sleepy daze.

_Text from 0xx-xxx-xxxx 5:48 p.m._

_This is Sakusa._

This is Sakusa. That was him talking to Atsumu. One-on-one. 

_You: hey sakusa you actually remembered to text me im touched! [Sent]_

The train reached Atsumu’s hometown in Hyogo, and Sakusa still hadn’t looked at the text. His parents greeted him at the front door, and Sakusa still hadn’t looked at the text. He ate dinner, took a bath, and distracted Osamu from his homework, and Sakusa _still_ hadn’t looked at the text. 

Despite his disappointment, Atsumu felt bone-tired from the past few days of training and hopped into bed right as his phone lit up again. 

_Sakusa-kun: Your contact was the first thing that popped up when I opened my phone._

Atsumu felt content with the reply and fell asleep to thoughts of hypothetical text conversations he could have with Sakusa in the future. 

~

As nationals neared, Atsumu had an excuse to initiate conversations with Sakusa more frequently and he quickly discovered that their banter translated well over text.

It was a Friday night and their coach had released them from practice early so their bodies could get some well-needed rest amidst all the intense practicing. His teammates all got soft drinks from a convenience store near their school and they found a ledge to sit on and share some laughs. It mostly involved everyone picking on Atsumu and him pretending to get mad about it. He knew it was all in good fun, and he somewhat deserved it for all the grief he gives his teammates. Besides, Fridays were when Sakusa replied to his texts the most, and he was looking forward to spending another night on the phone with him. He always thought Sakusa was the type of person that slept at nine, but he never failed to still be texting Atsumu well past midnight. Today would be no exception. 

After sharing about his team’s day off, Sakusa was quick to respond that it would cost his team at nationals. They took turns defending their respective teams’ honor. It was just past midnight, and Osamu had already thrown his pillow from the top bunk yelling at Atsumu to turn his phone brightness lower and to stop giggling. 

_You: i am safe from rogue pillows now [Read 12:11 a.m.]_

_You: my brother’s finally asleep. speakin’ of which...why are ya always awake at midnight? [Read 12:11 a.m.]_

_Sakusa-kun: I see you’ve found something else to insult me about._

_You: it was a genuine question [Read 12:12 a.m.]_

_Sakusa-kun: I’m catching up on studying, my parents want me to start preparing for college entrance exams now._

That took Atsumu by surprise. He had assumed that people as talented as Sakusa and himself would recruit for the professional leagues right after high school. After all, they only had a few years left before they’re at the backend of their bodies’ growth and age begins to inhibit their athletic abilities. 

_You: why are ya wastin’ your time with college [Read 12:15 a.m.]_

_Sakusa-kun: I can still play while studying. My parents want me to have a backup plan, they don’t believe sports can be a real career._

_You: well theyre wrong [Sent]_

~

“He was texting and laughing all night last night _again_ —it’s so annoying. Can I get permission to suffocate him next time?” Osamu reported to their parents the next morning. Atsumu momentarily flared up with embarrassment, but he rebounded quickly. 

“You’re just jealous I have friends,” Atsumu countered.

Their mom jumped into the conversation, “Who is this friend of yours?” 

Atsumu promptly shut his mouth and took his breakfast back to his room.

//

_spring_

High school flew by in a blur of stressful all-nighters, classroom naps, afterschool snack runs, and volleyball victories. Atsumu had gotten recruited for the MSBY Black Jackals and he couldn’t be happier.

(Okay, maybe he would have been happier if a better ranked team like the Adlers chose him but he knows they’re saving their open setter spot for Kageyama. Stupid Kageyama.)

The Friday text conversations with Sakusa lasted until graduation, eventually becoming real-life conversations at this year’s nationals tournament. Atsumu promised to take a trip to Tokyo after graduation to visit him, and Sakusa begged him not to actually do it. Fortunately, his parents loved him and offered to pay for the ticket to Tokyo as a graduation gift. He quickly texted Sakusa about his plan.

_You: im comin’ to see ya during golden week! [Read 3:03 p.m.]_

_Omi-kun: Please don’t._

_You: im coming. i’ll be there on tuesday at 11 a.m. waiting for ya~ [Read 3:10 p.m.]_

_Omi-kun: Prepare to wait for nothing._

_You: :( [Read 3:21 p.m]_

_~_

_Text from Omi-kun 4:45 p.m._

_I can meet you at the station a little past 11. You can’t stay at my house though._

~

“Hey…’Samu…” 

“What do you want now.”

“You know how you have money because you don’t spend grandma’s cash gifts on stupid things like LED toilet lights?”

“I’m not giving you money.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“PLEASE.”

“No.”

“I will sell you my soul for some spare cash, PLEASE.”

Osamu sighed. “How much do you need?”

~

Turns out, hotels in Tokyo during Golden Week were expensive. Who would’ve thought? Luckily, Atsumu struck gold during a late night dig and found a retired old lady in the outskirts of Tokyo offering an open room in her home for a reasonable price. In his excitement, he booked the room for two people (just in case) and then called Sakusa about it. 

“She seems harmless and the room looks cleaner than a hospital. It’ll be fine.” He could hear Sakusa shaking his head on the other line. 

“I still don’t feel comfortable. Also, my parents would disapprove.” 

“Ya gotta stop letting yer parents control you. Lie. Say yer staying at Motoya’s or something.” 

One thing Atsumu learned this past year was that Sakusa’s parents monitor his every move. Though, it helped explain his odd behavior a bit. They disliked their son’s keen interest in volleyball and would have much preferred him to have dropped the sport in high school in favor of focusing on his studies instead. Volleyball practices and games took up precious time that could have been spent at a cram school to help him get into a top tier university. So, he stayed up late at night to self-study for college entrance exams. Sakusa appeased his parents by pushing himself to excel in volleyball without sacrificing his grades. And, it paid off. He did get accepted into a prestigious university and planned to study sports medicine while simultaneously playing for his college team. Atsumu was rather impressed. 

[

_You: sports med, huh. that means you’ll roll me out when my shoulder balls up again [Read 1:38 a.m.]_

_Omi-kun: No, it means I’ll bandage your face when you inevitably get a concussion from your inability to receive._

_Omi-kun: The world will finally be free from the terror of having to look at you. Medicine truly is a study that gives back to society._

_You: meannnn [Sent]_

_]_

In a surprising turn of events, Sakusa begrudgingly agreed to stay with him. Initially, the offer was more out of courtesy than a genuine proposal. His agreement sent Atsumu into a spiral of conspiracy theories in an attempt to figure out _why_. The most concerning theory was that Sakusa actually returned his romantic feelings, and Atsumu began running through different ways he could confess. He hadn’t quite learned from the trauma of his past attempt at a confession. 

Would he tell him at the end of the trip right as he gets on the train to leave? Or just be upfront about it when they first meet? Should he get down on one knee? Scratch that, that's weird. Maybe he should keep his mouth shut about it and not risk losing this somewhat good friendship he’s established with Sakusa. But what if he did like him back? No, hell would have to freeze over for Sakusa to look at Atsumu as anything other than a minor inconvenience. All he’s ever done is pick on the guy’s quirky habits. Atsumu cursed the heavens for making his defining personality trait be his exceptional ability to provoke others.

He snapped out of his reverie. Atsumu had procrastinated on packing for his three night trip and was hopping on a train to Tokyo tomorrow. Upon sliding open his end of the closet, he realized he hated every item of clothing he owned and slowly ventured to Osamu’s side, taking a black shirt and green coat. Between the soft folds of his brother’s coat, he stuffed two gift bags filled with sweets from a local novelty candy shop near his home—one for Sakusa and one for the sweet granny they would be staying with. Sakusa’s had mostly sour candies in it, which he thought would be fitting after he accidentally saw him lick a lemon. And yes, it was an accident. Atsumu didn’t spend his meals at the training camps staring at Sakusa, sometimes he just _happened_ to glance over to see what he was up to. 

He filled the rest of his carry-on with his own clothes that he found somewhat tolerable and zipped it shut. He hoped his assumptions about the candies were correct. 

~

_‘Samu: DID YOU TAKE MY BLACK SHIRT? WITH THE POCKET?_

_You: it might be in my bag [Read 7:49 a.m.]_

_‘Samu: YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BLACK SHIRT_

_You: i like yours better [Read 7:50 p.m.]_

_‘Samu: i hate you_

_~_

Stepping onto the train platform, Atsumu could already tell the station was exceptionally busy. He immediately felt guilty for making Sakusa endure such a bustling crowd. He pushed through the swarm of people and stopped at a relatively empty bend to text Sakusa about his arrival. Instead of meeting in the station, he offered to meet Sakusa at a restaurant of his choice and the latter dropped the location to his phone.

The streets were just as crowded as the station. Atsumu struggled to navigate through the large groups on the sidewalk without assaulting their shins with his luggage. Many dirty looks and apologies later, he arrived at his destination. The door opened alongside a rattle of reeds and the staff warmly greeted him. Sakusa was already sitting at a corner table, eyes staring unamused at Atsumu. A pile of wipes on the side of the table indicated that he had already deep-cleaned their little spot. Atsumu snaked his way over with a large grin on his face, throwing his arms open once he reached the table. 

“Omi-kun! I’m here!”

“I can tell.” In spite of the monotonous reply, the slight quirk of Sakusa’s brow indicated some enjoyment from his arrival. “Put your bag under the table.”

He did as he was told and sat down. 

“Did’ja miss me? Ya missed me.” Atsumu rested his elbows on the table and put his chin in his hands, batting his eyes at the man across from him. 

“You text me every week, so not really.” Sakusa directed his attention towards the menu instead of Atsumu.

“Harsh. I might as well leave right now then.”

No response. They ordered and spared a few words about how their graduations went. Atsumu brought up the photo Motoya had posted on social media that included a disgruntled Sakusa trying to shield himself from the camera. 

“I told him no photos.”

“Aw, but Omi-kun photos are fun. How else are we gonna be able to look at our past selves and laugh?”

“I don’t want to look at myself. I’m not narcissistic like you.”

“It’s not ‘bout narcissism. Its’bout creating memories. Here-” Atsumu turned around to dig through his backpack for his camera. All the girls in his school had polaroid cameras, and they would always ask to take pictures with him using the retro piece of technology. The photos turned out quite nice and Atsumu appreciated their aesthetic, so he asked his parents for one on his birthday. Sakusa looked unimpressed while imitating Atsumu’s elbows-on-the-table position from earlier. 

When Atsumu moved to take a photo of Sakusa, he pursed his lips and flashed a middle finger. 

“You ruined it!” Atsumu whined. Sakusa smirked in return.

The photo popped out of the camera and Atsumu tucked it under his sweatshirt to let it develop. Their food arrived soon after, and both became too distracted satisfying their hunger to concern themselves further with the photo debacle. The food was delicious and didn’t feel too heavy in the stomach. Atsumu thanked Sakusa for introducing him to this location and reached into his sweatshirt to look at the forgotten photo. 

He snorted upon first glance, but soon felt a blush creep up his neck. Even with the crude gesture, Sakusa looked cute and Atsumu decided he was going to be buried with this photo in his clutches. 

“Let me see it.” Sakusa reached out to grab the photo.

“Nope! This is for me. Besides, you don’t like lookin’ at yerself ‘cause yer not narcissistic like me.” Atsumu stuck his tongue out. 

After lunch, they traveled to their temporary residence to drop Atsumu’s stuff off. In the end, they decided to stay in for the rest of the day and disinfect the room with wipes and spray, filling the empty air with their meaningless chatter. Both Sakusa and the granny expressed their thanks for the candy gift. She was surprised to learn that Atsumu had traveled all the way from Hyogo to see Sakusa. 

“You boys must be really good friends.” She smiled.

“Yep,” Atsumu slung an arm around Sakusa’s shoulder. “The bestest of friends.”

~

The next day, Atsumu tried to convince Sakusa to accompany him to DisneySea. To Atsumu’s disappointment, he had vehemently refused, but Atsumu understood his reluctance. Theme parks are kind of gross if you think about it. All the sweaty butts that touched the seats and how many booger-fingered children put their hands on the lap bars. Every thought made it seem less and less appealing. Instead, he decided to relish in this rare opportunity to get to know Sakusa outside of volleyball. They opted to stroll through some tourist-y tea gardens and enjoy the temperate spring weather. Sakusa asked about Atsumu’s feelings towards playing for the Jackals and Atsumu happily chatted about his plans to earn a starting position before the end of the year. 

“You’re going to do it.”

“Hm?”

“You’re going to be a starter your first year. You work hard, you deserve it.”

Atsumu wasn’t sure of what he did to earn the compliment, but he accepted it nonetheless. He tried his best to shift the conversation away from volleyball and get Sakusa to talk about his life outside of the sport. 

“So, ya don’t have any other hobbies outside of volleyball?”

“Not really. You don’t either.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong. But I play video games with my brother and watch movies with my family every week. That kinda counts.”

“I sort of paint. Though, it’s more like a coloring book than painting. I like puzzles, too.” Sakusa rolled his shoulders. “Essentially anything that has a solution or end goal. I like the satisfaction of completing something.”

“Ah, like Legos!”

“I guess if it's a model of something. I don’t like mindlessly building something to break it apart, that’s just a waste of time.”

“Interesting.” Atsumu looked down to brush off some pollen that had fallen onto his coat sleeve. The warm-colored substance smeared, staining the cloth more. “Ah, shit! My brother’s gonna kill me.” 

“That’s your brother’s coat?”

“Yea, he’s probably gonna make me buy him another one. Alas, I am broke.”

“I’ll help you wash it out later.”

Atsumu wrapped himself around Sakusa’s left arm and rested his head on his shoulder. “Really? You’re too sweet.”

Sakusa shook his arm free and nudged Atsumu away from him. Atsumu shoved back. They visited two other gardens before the sun started to set, illuminating the sky in a warm pink and orange hue. It felt romantic. Atsumu got lost in his daydreams and proceeded to pretend that he and Sakusa were in a loving relationship and enjoying a date in the gardens. A tingling sensation grew in his stomach, a sign of hunger for that reality, and he tried to push it away by skipping ahead, teasing Sakusa to keep up.

~

His last full day in Tokyo came too quickly. 

They journeyed to Ginza per Atsumu’s request because he was curious to see how rich people lived. His true intentions were to spend most of the time making fun of hideously designed high-end clothing and imitating the weird poses they put the mannequins in. However, they managed to find some unique, affordable stores and drink some photo-worthy teas. Many polaroid photos were taken, most of which involved Atsumu imitating the mannequins, but Sakusa willingly let himself be photographed in the café with Atsumu and their pretty teas. His smile was soft and almost nonexistent, which only seemed to make it more endearing. 

As they walked through a department store, Atsumu felt the aforementioned tea catch up to him and he left to use the restroom. He couldn’t find the other when he got out, and a moment of panic settled in where Atsumu actually believed that Sakusa had followed through on his threats and abandoned him for real. One quick text eased his mind. He had seen something in the window of a store and was currently in line waiting to get checked out. His curly head of hair appeared in the crowd a few minutes later, accompanied by a newly acquired white and red bag. 

“Are you done?” Sakusa asked.

“Yea, I think so. I could use some fresh air.” 

Their feet ached from a full day of walking from store to store. When they got back to their living space in the suburbs, Atsumu flopped down onto his futon. Sakusa took advantage of his vulnerable starfish-like state and threw the white and red bag in his face. 

“Wha-”

“You said that your brother got mad at you for taking his clothes. So, I got you your own. It’s a fitting style for you.” 

Atsumu peeked into the bag and saw a deep maroon coat and a black t-shirt with a pocket almost identical to his brother’s.

“Aw, you do have a heart! Thanks, Omi-kun!” Atsumu started. “But ya know...when you say something looks good on me yer sayin’ it looks good on my brother and I will _not_ allow you to hit on my brother.”

“Don’t make it weird.”

“Okay...but seriously, thanks.” 

“It’s nothing, really.” 

“I can’t believe I’m leaving tomorrow. I wish I’d planned to stay longer, I just didn’t think I’d have this much fun.” Atsumu glanced over to Sakusa who was now sitting on his own futon. 

“What do you mean you didn’t think you’d have fun?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I guess I just didn’t know what to expect,” Atsumu sat up. “We’ve only ever talked through text and any in person conversations were mostly about volleyball. I fully expected you to have abandoned me at this point. I thought ya did earlier today!” They were facing each other now. 

“I’m aware that...I’m not really good at talking to people...”

“No, you’re not.” Sakusa shot him a glare and Atsumu immediately got the message to shut up. “Sorry...continue.”

“You’re the worst.”

“No! I’m sorry! Forget I said anythin’.”

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” Sakusa looked to the side and exhaled. “I don’t really have friends.”

Atsumu opened his mouth to interrupt.

“Motoya-san doesn’t count. He’s my cousin, he’s morally obligated to hang out with me.” Sakusa paused and scratched at his wrists. “It didn’t bother me. I never felt like talking to anyone anyways. But then you asked for my number and kept texting me...and I didn’t want you to stop.”

At a loss for words, Atsumu just nodded his head to say _keep going._

“Finally got you to shut up, huh.” Sakusa laughed. “No matter how much I didn’t want to stay up late or sleep in a stranger’s house, I just couldn’t say no to you. And I guess that’s because...I like you.” 

Oh, great. The ever dreadful “I like you.” Atsumu’s mind flipped through the statement’s many meanings in less than a second. At this moment in time, the two were just making eye contact in silence. Sakusa broke his gaze first, still anxiously rubbing at his arms. Atsumu responded the only way he knew how.

“The hell do ya mean by that?” Sakusa looked taken aback.

“What do you mean?”

“‘I like you,’” Atsumu repeated in Sakusa’s deadpan tone. “What does that mean?”

“It means...I like you?”

“But what does it _mean_?”

“What?”

“Do you _like_ like me?” _To hell with it,_ Atsumu thought. “‘Cuz I _like_ like you.”

“You’re a liar.”

“I’m not!”

“Prove it.”

His heart pounded in his chest and he felt static throughout his limbs. He was nervous, but he wasn’t about to let Sakusa win and impugn his honor. High off of adrenaline, Atsumu pushed himself onto his knees in front of Sakusa and leaned forward. Their lips made contact for a brief second before Atsumu pulled back, returning to his futon and pulling his knees towards his chest to cover his reddened face. Sakusa stared back, lips slightly parted and eyes wide in shock. 

“Fuck. I’m sorry, you were just jokin’. Well, I’m leavin’ tomorrow, and we’ll never have to see each other again. I promise I’m vaccinated. I-” Atsumu continued to blabber through his embarrassment while throwing all of his stuff into his carry-on. If he could get on a train and go back home right now, he would. 

Sakusa finally moved and walked over to where Atsumu was frantically packing. He rested a hand on his shoulder. When Sakusa spoke, his voice came out shaky and quiet, like there was something in his throat preventing him from speaking normally. “I wasn’t joking.” 

Now it was Atsumu’s turn to gape in awe. The feeling was mutual. He stood up and Sakusa straightened out too. They found themselves in the familiar position of staring at each other. Just two idiots standing in a random grandma’s guest room too scared to make a move. 

“So...did’ya wanna kiss again? Or...something?”

And that’s essentially how the rest of their final night together went. Sakusa had made Atsumu brush his teeth and bathe before any more physical contact, and Atsumu happily scrubbed himself down. There was a lot of blushing and he got to see Sakusa smile with teeth for the first time in spite of the other’s attempts to try and hide it. When they finally decided it was time to sleep, Atsumu laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling wondering how he managed to get to this point in his life. In a few weeks, he would be moving into his apartment and beginning his career as a professional volleyball player while Sakusa studied in another city. His stomach churned at the thought that their first night together could be their last. He turned his head to look at Sakusa, who was lying sideways on his futon trying to hide the fact that he was caught staring at Atsumu. Atsumu laughed and held his hand out. Sakusa placed his fingertips on top of his palm and they both closed their eyes. 

~

_You: thank you for a good time and thanks for the clothes ;) [Read 8:20 a.m.]_

_Omi-kun: Thank you for visiting. I had a lot of fun. Let me know when you arrive home._

_~_

_Text from Omi-kun 1:48 a.m._

_After I graduate, I want to play for the Black Jackals._

_//_

_summer_

They broke up.

Again.

Everyone always talks about how difficult maintaining a long distance relationship is, but Atsumu thought he was special. He believed that, because he was so exceptional, he could successfully do what the less talented in society couldn’t. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

They had officially started dating a few months after the Golden Week trip. It had happened when Atsumu was in the city for a match, and Sakusa came to watch. They went out for a late meal afterwards and finished with dessert from a hole-in-the-wall ice cream shop. Then, they rented a private karaoke room, but spent most of the time sneaking kisses amidst the colorful, spinning lights. Atsumu had started it with a shy peck to the temple after they sat down, and Sakusa returned the favor with a quick press of the lips to his shoulder. Their little competition lasted throughout the entirety of their hour rental period and Atsumu knew he wanted this to continue for the rest of his life. At the end of their pre-paid hour, Atsumu serenaded Sakusa with one last song, which he took seriously at first but by the end exchanged all the lyrics with the phrase “Will you be my boyfriend?” over and over again. Of course, Sakusa said yes—who wouldn’t? (Don’t say Kita-san.)

Over the course of the next three-ish years, they would break up three times. 

The first time was Atsumu’s fault. They had been dating for a little over a year and things were running pretty smoothly up to that point. Atsumu understood that Sakusa was socially awkward and somewhat emotionally detached, so he didn’t expect a call everyday. When he would tell others that he mostly communicated with his significant other via text and one phone call a week, they would first congratulate him on his willingness to maintain a long distance relationship. Those comments made Atsumu feel good. Then, they would begin to comment on how odd it was that his significant other (or “girlfriend” as they would assume) preferred texting. Everyone seemed to interpret the lack of calls as lack of interest. Those comments made Atsumu feel shitty. He started to second guess Sakusa’s true feelings and commitment to their relationship.

One day, Sakusa had gotten a little too preoccupied with studying and forgot to follow up on a promised call with Atsumu. On that day, he had played a particularly bad game and his call with Sakusa was the only thing preventing him from becoming a vagrant and disappearing into the mountains. When Sakusa did call the next day, Atsumu unfairly berated his boyfriend before he even had the chance to explain himself. 

[

_“Do you even care? ‘Cuz sometimes I feel like I’m the only one contributing to this relationship.”_

_“Atsumu, please-”_

_“I can’t be the only one initiatin’ everything, Sakusa. It’s exhausting. I feel like you don’t even love me.”_

_“Atsumu, of course I...” Sakusa trailed off._

_“See, ya can’t even say it. Whatever, I’m over this shit. We’re done.”_

_]_

A week later, Atsumu swallowed his pride and finally responded to Sakusa’s texts. He knew his negative mental state caused his childish overreaction and tried to explain as such to Sakusa. Atsumu acknowledged that he shouldn’t expect endless attention. They both apologized and continued forward with their relationship.

The second time was coincidentally also Atsumu’s fault. On the two year anniversary of their Golden Week trip, Atsumu and Sakusa vacationed to his hometown. His parents had learned that they were dating a month prior and expressed their desire to meet their son’s boyfriend. His parents happily accepted their relationship and appreciated that Sakusa’s cool demeanor helped reel in Atsumu’s loud personality. Things went south after a late night chat on Atsumu’s childhood bunk.

[

_“So...do ya think I could meet your parents soon?”_

_“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“‘Tsumu, I still live with them.”_

_“Are you ashamed to be dating me?”_

_“No, you know it’s not that. Can we please stop talking about this? I don’t want to fight.”_

_]_

Atsumu kept pushing Sakusa to open up about their relationship. As far as he was concerned, Sakusa hadn’t mentioned they were dating to any of his friends or family. The words of his acquaintances appeared in his mind once again and he couldn’t help but feel they were right. Atsumu felt like nothing more than a dirty secret he was trying to hide. Sakusa had gotten tired of the incessant pressure and said he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone that didn’t respect his boundaries. Again, they managed to get over it in a week’s time. After making up, Osamu had visited his apartment, expressing his concerns about Atsumu’s relationship. 

[

_“This isn’t a healthy relationship, Atsumu. Your personalities simply don’t mix well together, you’ll never see eye-to-eye.”_

_“Well, mom and dad don’t seem to think that.”_

_“They only saw the good parts. Stop messing with the poor guy and break it off for real this time.”_

_“Oh, so you’re a fucking relationship expert now. Okay. Well, don’t quit your day job of kissing Suna’s ass.”_

_“Don’t mock my relationship just to make yourself feel better about your shitty one.”_

_]_

They hadn’t gotten into a physical fight since high school. Their get-along streak ended in Atsumu’s apartment and they relentlessly brawled without a Kita or Aran to break them apart. The fight concluded with Osamu storming out, which Atsumu interpreted as his victory. He showed up to practice the next day with a black eye. 

Both Atsumu and Sakusa wanted to salvage their relationship. In spite of all the fights, Atsumu couldn’t let go. Sakusa was the only one who acknowledged Atsumu was the product of his own hard work, not a naturally talented, entitled brat like he tended to portray himself as. He helped him shed that ostentatious facade and gain confidence on the court. Consequently, the vexing personality he had used to hide his own insecurities started to fade. Even before that change, Sakusa still offered love and appreciation in spite of Atsumu’s largely unappealing personality. Not a lot of people chose to stick around him and his brash behavior, but Sakusa did. He didn’t force him to change his personality, and the annoying bits started to drop off naturally as a result of his support in the background. That had to be something worth holding on to.

Unfortunately, Atsumu’s confidence only grew in the realm of volleyball. Though his personality changed, he always questioned if it was enough to keep Sakusa around. Osamu had once told him that no one liked him. Atsumu had pretended to not care. The reality of how unpopular he was constantly lurked in the back of his mind and with each new relationship he established, he couldn’t help but think it was only a matter of time before they discovered how truly intolerable he was and avoided him like everyone else did. Everytime he and Sakusa disagreed, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking _this is it, he’s come to his senses and is finally leaving me._ Was this thinking irrational? Sure, but it was based on fact. He hid this fear of rejection in the deep, dark recesses of his mind and simply began to avoid any topics that would lead to confrontation and disagreement. 

He supposes Sakusa also found some valuable crumbs that made staying in a relationship with Atsumu worthwhile. He tried to open up more, but still remained cryptic and closed off when it came to the full extent of his feelings. With these adjustments, they were able to keep their relationship afloat for another year. However, Atsumu didn’t feel the same weightless intoxication he did when they first got together, and by the fatigued tone in his voice when they talked over the phone, Sakusa didn’t either. Their calls dropped in frequency.

He expected this. He knew Sakusa would leave him. Sakusa was half a year away from graduating and Atsumu buzzed with excitement at the prospect of finally living in the same city as his boyfriend. He hoped that the strain on their relationship was caused by the distance between them, and by living together, they could revitalize its dull remnants. 

Atsumu’s wishful thinking shattered the summer of Sakusa’s final year in college. Another practice match in the city had given Atsumu the opportunity to spend time with Sakusa, and as they nibbled on melon bread, Atsumu noticed his boyfriend anxiously rubbing his arms. 

“What’s wrong?” Atsumu inquired.

“Will you promise not to cause a scene?” Atsumu nodded slowly. “Motoya’s team made me an offer.”

He had Atsumu’s full attention now.

“What kind of offer?”

“A good one. There’s the possibility I could be a starter right away. Plus, they promised good pay and subsidized housing too…”

“I told ya not to worry ‘bout that, you could live with me.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that right now, ‘Tsumu. And, think about it. If we do continue with this relationship, my parents are going to find out. Once they do, I know they won’t help me out financially anymore. Will your team even let us date? Hell, Atsumu, the Jackals haven’t even been in contact with me. Your team already has big hitters, they don’t need me.”

“Are you kidding? We’re in the middle of a losin’ streak right now. If there was anytime we needed an offensive boost, it would be now. I can help ya out financially-”

“Can you? You called me a few days ago panicking because you overdrew your card and the grocery store was rejecting it.” Sakusa’s voice began to crack and Atsumu could see the beginning of tears in his eyes. He’d never seen him cry before. “You’ve always been this way. You’re not going to change. Your brother doesn’t like me. My parents won’t love me anymore. I-I can’t, ‘Tsumu.” 

Sakusa vigorously wiped his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. A few people began to look at their table in curiosity. Atsumu felt his temper rising at the nosy bastards. 

“Can we talk about this somewhere else?” Sakusa nodded. They left some cash to cover their food and walked to an open area underneath a highway. 

“So, you wanna break up again?” Sakusa shook his head no. “Then tell me what it is you want! I’m not a goddamn mind reader, Sakusa, just spit it out!”

“I already told you, asshole. I’m going to sign with the Paper Mills.” 

“If you do that, we’re done for good.”

“Threats. That’s real mature, Miya-san. Have a good life. I hope your team doesn’t suck ass when we play them next year.” 

Atsumu grabbed his phone from his pocket and shook out the polaroid photo of an eighteen year-old Sakusa Kiyoomi flipping him off. He threw the beloved picture that had lived in the back of his phone for the past four years on the ground. Atsumu was crying now. 

“Get the fuck out of my life, you freak.”

Sakusa turned and faded into the crowd. 

~

_You: heyyy [Read 1:30 a.m.]_

_You: im not durnk [Read 1:34 a.m.]_

_You: maybe im a little drunk [Read 1:35 a.m.]_

_You: can we get bakc togehter again liek the last two times [Sent]_

_You: kiyoomi? [Sent]_

~

“I want him out of here.”

“C’mon, Suna, have a bit of sympathy, he's going through heartbreak.”

“He’s throwing up on the floor of our bathroom.” 

Suna was pissed. Atsumu had come knocking at around 5 p.m. and demanded dinner in his usual bratty tone. Everything was fine until he started sobbing into his pasta dish about how bad he messed up. That’s when he hysterically revealed Sakusa’s intentions of signing with another team and their third breakup. While Osamu tried to force feed Atsumu his dinner, Suna ran to the store to get ice cream and wine. Lots of wine. 

And that’s the abridged story of how Atsumu ended up violently vomiting in his brother’s bathroom. He had sent many drunk texts and voicemails to his now ex-boyfriend hoping his repenting over the phone would be enough for them to get back together. Sakusa ignored him after the third message. Osamu seized his phone after the fifty-fourth message. They dumped his motionless body on the couch and wrapped him in a blanket like a depressed taquito. He could hear his brother and Suna whispering through the walls.

“I just didn’t expect this now,” Osamu began. “Like, two years ago, maybe. I thought they were doin’ better…”

“I suspected this was going to happen when my coach mentioned Sakusa-san. I’m really only here to provide you emotional support while you take care of the mess on your couch.” Suna laughed.

“Thanks, I needed it.” They continued their half-hearted laughter and Atsumu was tempted to yell at them in envy. Suna spent a lot of time away from Osamu and they were fine. Why did Atsumu have to ruin everything he’s a part of?

“I have to go back before Monday.”

“No problem, we can call later in the week.”

Simple as that. No desperate pleas to get Suna to stay longer, no expressed regret at the distance between them. Osamu truly was better than him at everything.

With that final thought, Atsumu let himself be overcome by the heavy sleepiness in his head. 

His dreams didn’t help his depression either. Dream Atsumu stood in an empty white room surrounded by oil paintings. The hall stretched in both directions with those impressionist paintings Sakusa longed to see in person lining the walls. He didn't know why he liked those paintings so much…. Oh, right! When he was a child, he used to do paint-by-numbers kits of impressionist paintings to help calm him down after an anxiety attack. Their serene stillness had a way of relaxing Sakusa, and Atsumu guessed he just began to like the art style in general over time. 

The painting directly facing him was of a lonely woman, sitting at a table with a sad face and a drink. Atsumu scoffed at his own mind’s humor. He recalled Sakusa texting him that painting when he heard about one of his incidents. The team had attempted to cheer Atsumu up after he blanked out during a post-game interview, but all he did was mope into his drinks. It wasn’t funny at the time, and it wasn’t funny now. 

He made his way down the hallway, taking in the tranquil landscapes of the paintings. One depicted a field of wheat against a grassy hill; it reminded Atsumu of his hometown and the stretches of land that were nothing but short mountains and rice fields. While they drove through his hometown, Sakusa did mention it would be nice to paint those rice fields if he ever became talented enough to do so. Another one showed lily pads of varying bright colors in a pond. The colors were reminiscent of the lights in the karaoke room where Atsumu first asked Sakusa out. The memory seemed distant but the feeling of butterflies and pure happiness from that night rushed through his body, and Atsumu felt like crying. Further down, some of the paintings began to depict groups of people. One in particular depicted a crowded café and everyone in the painting looked happy. The man in the foreground of the painting donned a green coat and was smiling over his tea. 

To his right, he heard someone clear their throat. Sakusa was sitting alone on a plush velvet bench running his eyes over a painting of a bridge and river. 

“I don’t want to fight,” Sakusa said in a gentle voice without looking away from the painting.

“Me neither. I miss you already.”

Sakusa let out a small laugh, “You text me every week.” 

“Not anymore…You probably already deleted my contact info.”

His ex-boyfriend broke out into a toothy smile, showing off the dimples he loved to poke.

“Just tell me your number and I’ll text you.”

~

Atsumu woke up sad. Most mornings would start off with a hot cup of coffee and a good morning text to his boyfriend. Unfortunately, today wasn’t like most mornings because Osamu’s coffee machine was broken and so was his relationship. Thankfully, his brother and Suna pitied him enough to let him stay over. He called his coach saying he went home for a family emergency and let himself drift back to sleep. 

He remained in Osamu’s residence for a week before returning to his own apartment and practicing with his team again. Another week passed and Atsumu began to lose hope of hearing from Sakusa again. The third week after the breakup, Atsumu came to the conclusion that it was time to forget about his relationship with Sakusa altogether. He gave it an honest attempt, but too much of his apartment was decorated with memories of Sakusa Kiyoomi. From the lint roller that rested on his bedside table to the cloth facemask that was drying by his window, every inch of the place reminded Atsumu of Sakusa. Even the couch transported him back in time to when Sakusa first allowed him to be spoiled with cuddles. 

It was late, and Atsumu had to get up early for endurance training tomorrow. In spite of that, he picked up the small manila envelope that rested in his closet and fanned the tiny polaroids out on his bed. 

_5/1/XX - we got tea!_

_5/1/XX - i was omi-kun’s first kiss_

_4/6/XX - came out to my parents :)_

_12/25/XX - look who came to visit me on christmas_

_4/16/XX - omi-kun after winning_

_8/10/XX -_

The most recent photo was taken three weeks ago and showed a slouching Sakusa glaring at his melon bread. Atsumu wanted to jump in the picture and do it all over again. Except this time he wouldn’t get mad, he would support Sakusa and love him unconditionally like he deserved. They would smile into their bread and leave the café latched at their pinkies. They would walk to the secondhand bookstore down the street to entertain themselves and sneak kisses in the privacy of the VCR movie section. Atsumu would bid him goodbye at the entrance to his team’s hotel and they would make plans to call each other later. 

Atsumu’s phone laid dark on his nightstand. He never felt so alone in his life. He hated it.

He decided to take a hot bath to relax himself. The drip of the tub faucet was Atsumu’s only companion in the messy bathroom until he heard his phone buzz from where it rested on the floor. He was going to scold Osamu for texting him so late.

_Text from Omi-Omi <3 1:59 a.m. _

_Hi. I’m not ready to talk over the phone but I do want to say something._

Atsumu was torn between responding right away and waiting to reply so he didn’t seem so desperate. Now wasn’t the time to let his ego control him.

_You: im so sorry, i fucked up really bad this time [Read 2:01 a.m.]_

_You: i know i can be difficult to deal with. my egos too big, my patience is too small, etc. you put up with that for a long time. longer than anyone should have to endure that type of treatment. i am truly sorry for whatever emotional strain i put on you. hurting you was never my intention i was just a selfish coward trying to protect myself. im sorry i let other people’s opinions ruin us [Read 2:05 a.m.]_

_You: youre not a freak, youre a gift to a world full of mindless turds obsessed with conforming to fake standards. i hate that i contribute to that. im so sorry omi. dont feel like ya need to apologize out of politeness, i dont deserve it. but if ya do have something to say i promise im finally listening [Read 2:09 a.m.]_

_You: you said you’d text me right? [Read 2:17 a.m.]_

_Omi-Omi <3: Sorry, I don’t really know how to articulate my thoughts. I’m not very good with words. _

Being in a relationship with Sakusa Kiyoomi meant understanding that his main form of communication was through body language and action. It was his own special way of speaking and it was a language you could learn like any other with enough time and effort. Motoya knew that. That’s how he managed to get so close to Sakusa and could have full conversations with him even though he was the only one talking. Atsumu too learned to read Sakusa over time. Biting at his lower lip wasn’t a sign of nervousness but a clue that Sakusa was trying to hold back a smile. It meant he was happy. Repetitive movements, especially rubbing his arms, signaled anxiety. Rapid blinking indicated he was upset or confused. A bounce in the eyebrow portrayed “I’m listening, keeping going.” Rolling his shoulders meant he was uncomfortable. 

His love came through in his actions and in the gifts he gave, and he only acknowledged love from others in these forms. Words are easily forged, actions are not. Sakusa recognized that at a young age and refused to take any words at face value. Atsumu wished he had realized this sooner. His confession wasn’t the quiet admittance in a strangers guest room. It came sooner, unintentionally and authentically, as a trip to Tokyo and bag of sour candies in a blue mesh drawstring baggie. 

_You: just say whatevers on your mind [Read 2:30 a.m.]_

_Omi-Omi <3: I turned down the offer. I want to move in with you. _

_//_

_fall_

Off-season was the worst. Most of their days were spent in weight rooms or running sprints in their practice court. Two or three days per week, they got to hone in on their skills with repetitive drills, and on special days, their coach planned for a scrimmage within their team. Today was a special day. Atsumu was excited to try out a new serve he saw on television a few weeks ago. The match went by fast, and soon enough everyone was gathering their things to call it a day. 

After finding his phone underneath Bokuto’s towel, Atsumu turned towards Sakusa who was patiently waiting for him by the door. The team wanted to go out for yakitori and drinks and had agreed to meet up in an hour's time, allowing everyone to go home and change clothes first. Per routine, Atsumu and Sakusa were the first to leave. Their shared apartment was about a twenty minute drive away in a quiet neighborhood. Atsumu had decided to upgrade his living situation and move somewhere more fitting for his partner the moment Sakusa had signed with the Black Jackals and the possibility of him moving in with Atsumu became very real.

Unlike his first apartment, the new place had two bedrooms for the nights when Sakusa didn’t feel like sharing a bed. Their neighbors were mostly retired folks who often brought the two boys fresh fruit from the marketplace. But most importantly, the apartment offered the opportunity for them to start anew. The change in scenery helped them put behind the bad memories of the past and move forward to become better people both within their relationship and out of it. They filled the apartment with new furniture, plants, and a fish named ‘Samu 2.0 (human Osamu didn’t appreciate the tribute.) 

Atsumu especially loved their light leather couch and the wholesome conversations that came with it. He loved how adorably sincere Sakusa got when he was dazed with sleepiness. Secured in each other's arms, both of them would openly share their feelings, no longer afraid of being emotionally vulnerable. With the safety and warmth of physical touch, they could speak from their hearts without the crutch of a cell phone. Nevertheless, Atsumu thanked the mobile device everyday for bridging the distant gap that once existed between him and his love.

[

_You: why? [Read 2:36 a.m.]_

_Omi-Omi <3: I’ll admit you hurt me really badly that day. I felt nothing but resentment towards you and your selfishness. You’ve caused me a lot of pain. But I guess that makes me a masochist._

_Omi-Omi <3: I’ve said this before, but I don’t really have friends. I never felt inclined to make any but somehow you managed to wedge yourself in my heart. All you had to do was talk to me and I felt loved. I don’t like networking, it’s awkward and the conversations are fake. They make you communicate by society’s standards. I’m not good at speaking like that. So, people write me off as an outcast, cold, not wanting to make friends. And to avoid being disappointed in my own shortcomings, I guess I just took that perception in stride so no one could use it against me. Sometimes you did make fun of me for it, but picking at people’s insecurities is your thing (albeit an annoying one.) _

_Omi-Omi <3: Texting helped me break through my own social anxiety and hold real, emotional conversations with someone else for the first time. And then we hung out in person, and those conversations felt all the same. We’ve had many bumps along the way, and I got fed up at being jostled around all the time. But I’ve learned driving along a smooth stretch of road is boring. I’ve already done that my whole life under the guidance of my parents. _

_Omi-Omi <3: You were my first everything. I’m learning about how to be in a relationship while navigating one at the same time. My parents don’t fight. They’ve always just internalized their discontent, and I can tell they don’t like each other as much anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever heard my dad say sorry. So, when we fought, I got scared. I didn’t think airing out grievances was such a crucial aspect of a relationship. I guess the heart is just like any muscle. You have to make tears so that it can be rebuilt into something bigger, stronger. _

_Omi-Omi <3: I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re not irreversibly broken. There’s still a little soreness but it will fade over time. You took the time to genuinely get to know me and pushed me out of my comfort zone in a good way. I’ve grown because of you. You’re a special person, and I don’t think I’d be able to find someone not only willing to tolerate me, but support and appreciate me as I am the way you did. If this is really the end, then, thank you, Atsumu, for the amazing three year journey. _

_You: i never stopped thinking about you [Read 2:56 a.m.]_

_]_

Things are better now that they know every little quarrel won’t lead to the termination of their relationship. Sakusa can openly chastise Atsumu for cooking everything on high heat and turning all their pans black, and Atsumu can take it without viewing it as a personal attack on his self worth. Atsumu can defend his opinion on his preferred method of sorting canned food (which is not sorting them at all, it’s fine as long you remember where you put them!) and Sakusa knows this little incompatibility doesn’t mean Atsumu is going to break up with him. Planting the seeds of trust allowed their relationship to grow and bloom. Sakusa continued aid in the reconstruction of Atsumu’s self-confidence while Atsumu helped Sakusa break free of his confined and rigid approach to life. They made each other better. Osamu had seen this change and genuinely congratulated the two of them. It was only a matter of time until he and Sakusa became friends and realized with their combined power they could embarrass the everliving shit out of Atsumu. 

As they got ready to leave for their team outing, Atsumu made a point to grab his old, scratched polaroid camera and sling it across his shoulder. From across the room, Sakusa shook his head envisioning all the embarrassing photos Atsumu would take of him and Bokuto in their red, alcohol-flushed state. They headed out hand-in-hand towards the train station by their apartment.

Most of the team was already at the yakitori place when the couple arrived. They were promptly informed that their captain was already three drinks deep and counting and Atsumu sat himself down to catch up. Sakusa stood quietly behind him, observing the actions of the two borderline alcoholics in their natural habitat. Eventually, a beer was offered to him and Sakusa found himself trapped in a weird volleyball-themed version of “Never Have I Ever” like they were high schoolers at a sleepover. The game involved drinking if it happened to you, but it quickly turned into a game of getting Atsumu to drink as many times as possible.

“Okay, okay,” Shion started. “Drink if you’ve slipped in a puddle of sweat, fell into a splits position, and had to be taken out for the rest of a game because of a pulled groin.” 

“Fuck you,” Atsumu spat, drink already in his mouth. 

Everyone turned to Sakusa, indicating his turn. “Um. Drink if you’ve gotten in trouble by your coach for trying to climb the stands and fight a fan.” 

The team simultaneously broke out into laughter.

“Yep, that sounds on-brand for ‘Tsumu-kun,” Meian laughed. 

“It was a high stakes game and he knew what he was doing by talkin’ shit while we were warmin’ up.” Atsumu defended. 

The game continued and Atsumu demanded a team photo before he was too far gone. A waitress walked by and offered to take the picture for them. It was difficult getting everyone to fit into frame, but they managed to accomplish it in the end. They gathered around the photo as it slowly developed and laughed at Tomas’s red eyes and Sakusa’s angry expression. 

“I’m convinced you don’t know how to smile, Sakusa-san.” Shion announced. 

Atsumu jumped in, “Sure he does. Ya just haven’t earned it yet.”

“And you have?”

“Why, of course. Five years of friendship and romance should earn me at least one smile.” 

“I still can’t believe you took so long to tell us!” Bokuto whined.

“Well, it felt like everyone already knew after a while…”

“We kind of knew.”

“I didn’t!”

Soon, it was almost two in the morning. Their teammates began leaving one-by-one, stumbling in the general direction of their respective homes. The restaurant employees were wiping down the counters preparing to close. Occasionally, a group of drunk businessmen would walk by, loudly laughing and shoving each other around, but other than that, they were alone. Bokuto decided to hang back a bit more to chat with Atsumu and Sakusa.

“So...what would you have done if you played on different teams?” Bokuto began leaning towards them in interest.

Atsumu laughed, “That was a whole argument.”

“I was thinking about dropping volleyball altogether if I didn’t get an offer here.”

“What?” Atsumu asked incredulously. 

“Well, volleyball is fun and all, but the pro-leagues isn’t the only way I could continue to play. If the Jackals hadn’t contacted me that winter, I was going to start job hunting in the area and put my degree to use instead.” 

“But why? You worked so hard to get to the big leagues.”

“Sometimes things come along in life and you have to accommodate them. I didn’t put everything I had into a four year relationship only to end it for a sport I could play anywhere. It was a backup plan. Let’s not dwell on it, it obviously didn’t come to fruition.”

“Oh, wow! I can’t imagine you not playing, Omi-kun, that’s crazy!” The couple whipped their heads around to look at their teammate, having forgotten his presence. 

“Bokuto-san, can you take a photo of us?” Sakusa reached for Atsumu’s camera. 

“Sure!” Bokuto bounced happily at the opportunity to push the fun-looking camera button. 

Sakusa shifted closer to Atsumu. As Bokuto lined up the shot, Sakusa turned Atsumu’s face and kissed him while holding his middle finger toward the camera. The camera light flashed and he pulled away. 

Atsumu smiled at his boyfriend, “The hell?” 

“Here it comes!” Bokuto announced as the photo printed. 

Sakusa reached for the photo and then Atsumu’s phone. He popped the case off and slipped the tiny photo in the back before securing the phone back in its place. 

“I need some hand sanitizer, your phone is disgustingly greasy.”

Atsumu and Bokuto were too preoccupied with looking at the photo to hear Sakusa’s words. He reached into his coat pocket to grab the tiny bottle of hand sanitizer he always carried. Bokuto’s phone buzzed in his pocket. 

“Ah! I gotta leave! It was fun chatting with you guys!” With a wave, Bokuto took off and disappeared into the city’s night. Atsumu and Sakusa began their trek home amidst the soft glow of neon restaurant signs. They walked in silence for a bit, enjoying the atmosphere around them. Atsumu lifted his phone up to look at the photo again. 

“So what was that ‘bout?”

“What?”

“The picture.” 

“Oh. I just remembered the fight is all. You threw that one photo away and it didn’t look like you went back to get it. I know how important photographs are to you. I wanted to replace it with a better memory.”

“Aw, Omi-Omi is so sweet. Thank you.” Atsumu kissed his cheek. Sakusa bit his lower lip and turned his head. 

The bright signs around them flashed rhythmically on beat with their steps. They danced around Sakusa’s features, surrounding him with a heavenly glow and pairing nicely with his lighthearted mood. Atsumu isn’t really sure how he got to this point in his life or why he deserved the attention from someone as great as Sakusa, but dwelling on the questions and what-ifs was a waste of time. The only things that mattered right now were Sakusa’s bony fingers bumping against his as he walked, the deep curves of his dimples, and the unshakable bond between them drawing them closer together with every step and making Atsumu’s heart swell with an immeasurable amount of love. 

Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t do conventional. It took them many exhausting years to learn that. But neither would trade any aspect of their quirky relationship for some semblance of perceived “normalcy.” They were happy to exist in their odd little corner of the world. In that corner, they bloomed atop an unbreakable bridge. A bridge that didn’t fill the gap that existed between them, but simply connected them, allowing them to preserve their unique differences. A bridge. A phone. Contained within it, a small memory of candid companionship and compromise. As they walked in silence, Atsumu gripped that memory and thought about how he wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> i stress-wrote this in a day after taking three midterms so if it didn't really make sense, that's why.


End file.
